I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
either way he was missing a nipple.
I just found puke in my bra..
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
