I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Randomize
