Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
