I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
