Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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