i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Randomize
