The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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