You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I deserve this hangover.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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