Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
she peed on how many people?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
