"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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