I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
