All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Holy shit dude........stairs
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
