Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
