I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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