I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
