I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.