I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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