so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
