Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Randomize
