if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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