I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off