Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter