My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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