Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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