I didn't shave. On purpose
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
no you cant smoke seaweed
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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