I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
