The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
