as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
