Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
