There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
