dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
