Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
