Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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