great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize
