Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
