I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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