She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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