I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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