Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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