"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I'm both gender and math confused
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
