I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Randomize
