Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
