Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
