be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
MIDGETS
????
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
