Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
