The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
