dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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