I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
