just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
