I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
