in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Just cropdusted the office
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
