the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
