Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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