Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
