I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize