He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
