ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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