I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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