she woke up with a sticky ear
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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