I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
