Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
