I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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