I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
