im six kinds of drunk right now
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
