I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
