I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
