His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
