we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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