I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
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