Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Randomize
