Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
