Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
