I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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