question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
