Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Randomize
