He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
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He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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