Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
