I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
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