Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
