FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
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