you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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