maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
