shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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