A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
