Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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