Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
the night ended with taco bell and tears
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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