I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
